Disclaimer: Check your feelings right tf here. In this space tonight we addressing some real material. It’s really like that tonight. We getting to the nitty gritty. So if you can’t be real within yourself this probably aint that blog for you tonight.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but stop punishing yourself.

Here are somethings I want you to stop punishing yourself for

Stop:

• Being mad at yourself for previous decisions
• being upset because you can’t make everyone happy
• thinking about the mistakes you’ve made
• asking “what if”
• asking why you weren’t good enough
• answering the phone/text messages for that toxic person you know means you no DAMN GOOD
• doing things because you feel “obligated” to by someone
• telling yourself you “can’t” achieve something because you don’t think you are competent enough to do so
• allowing someone who has shown you they mean you no good to hold a place in your life
• doubting yourself
• selling yourself short
• putting your dreams on hold at the expense of others
• making excuses for your own toxic ways
• not taking accountability for when you fuck up
• projecting your fears, insecurities, and previous shortcomings on to others.
• punishing yourself

We are ALL guilty of one or more of the statements listed above. When you take part in anything I listed above you are punishing yourself. The one thing I have learned in life is that you have to be willing to grow in order for it to actually happen. You cannot obtain growth while not having the mindset and action behind it. I am the person that punishes myself heavily for past mistakes. I am constantly angry with myself for the men I have chosen to deal with, for always doubting myself professional wise, for not taking opportunities because I feel I am not good enough, For not being able to be there all the time when someone needs me to. I literally feel bad most time for doing what’s best for myself. Do you know how damn crazy that sounds. I FEEL BAD about doing what’s best for ME. Y’all probably reading this like….sis off her rocker what is she talking about.

I had a conversation recently with myself (you have to talk to yourself sometimes). In that reflection time I looked back internally on what issues, situations and other things am I punishing myself for. This was a HARD time ya’ll, I really had to dig deep and I’m not going to lie some of the things I discovered fucked me up. Self reflection can be a dangerous thing. You have to literally be honest with yourself and sometimes you will be surprised by what you have been holding on to that you just swore you were over. It’s called suppression. It’s the act of trying to avoid, dismiss or forget something that has caused you pain. I literally suppress all traumatic events in my life. Any painful event that has occured in my life I try to push through it and get rid of it. I have come to realize that suppression only provides temporary relief. It does more harm than good in the end. You can suppress something and then weeks, months even years later it will resurface. I have a philosophy now that “if you don’t handle your problems, they will handle you”.

So, stop punishing yourself. Stop letting your problems handle you. Stop denying yourself the peace you deserve. Take a good look at yourself internally and ask yourself “Am I happy with who I am at this very moment”? If you say no, then ask yourself the follow up questions of “Why am I not happy with who I am”? and “What control do I have on changing my perspective”? We often have the ability to tell everyone else where they fall short but when it is time to point the finger on ourself…honey we be so mute. All of sudden we don’t be having a word to say. Evaluate yourself, be harsh, be honest, move forward after. If you know you are a female that settles for mediocre men because you’d rather have a ain’t shit man than be alone because of self esteem or internal issues call yourself out on that. If as a man you ask a woman to be with you even though you are not ready to commit to her because your fractured masculinity cannot handle seeing her be with someone else SAY THAT to yourself. If you always talk down on others to disguise addressing the shortcomings of yourself tell yourself that. Look be TF honest. That is the only way you can move forward in life. If you can’t be real with yourself then who in the hell can you be real with.

Look if I’ma call ya’ll out I gotta be realistic and call myself out too

• I have to STOP pursuing men I knew weren’t worth a damn when I met them and then complain to my friends when he starts to show it.
• I have to stop venting via social media and getting mad when people get in my business
• I have to stop allowing people to mistreat me and then make excuses for them after.
• I have to stop feeling like my value decreases when a man doesn’t see my worth.
• I have to stop second guessing my professional capabilities
• I have to stop putting others feelings over my own when I KNOW they dont give a damn about me.
• I have to stop holding grudges against people
• I have to stop punishing myself for mistakes I have made in the past that have negatively affected my mental and physical capabilities
• I have to stop apologizing for having anxiety. My mental illness is not for you to understand nor do I have to explain it. I am allowed to have bad days and not do shit for people if it causes me anxiety or if my anxiety is flaring.
• I have to stop apologizing for being me.

The gag is, once you identify what you need to stop doing, you have to take the steps to actually stop.

XOXO – Junie