Hellooo Hellooo Hellooo everybody! Happy 2021. We have officially made it through 2020 and into the new year. I’m not sure about ya’ll but this new year and fresh start feels AMAZING. 2020 was such a challenging for me for so many reasons. A pandemic, unlimited zoom meetings for work, starting grad school online, not being able to go out freely and just feeling restricted due to COVID. While many of these things won’t change in 2021 I feel I have adapted quite a bit to where I am not as restless as I was in 2020, this year I feel more prepared. I wanted to take time and check in with you all before the first Monday of the year begins…sooooo welcome to my first post of 2021.

I didn’t bring in the year this time as a typically have. Each NYE since I have been 21 I am typically out at a party with friends, lit, and coming home around 2am with a hangover lmao. I usually don’t set my goals or get organized for the new year until a week later, safe to say my new year typically starts in February. This year I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to bring my year in the way I plan to spend it, peacefully. I stayed home, wrote out my goals, planned my intentions for the year, streamed service with my church, and prayed over a year of happiness, success, love and much needed change. I had it on my heart to text prayers to some of my people, so I did just that. It felt great to wake up January 1st with a renewed spirit. I left all that happened in 2020 right where it belongs, in 2020. I’m not carrying any baggage from last year into this year.

Yesterday I was able to sit and talk with a really good friend of mine. She and I have been friends since freshman year of college. We don’t get to talk often but when we do it’s always worth while. She and I talked for almost 3 hours and she really opened my eyes to some things I had been thinking upon but never fully broadened my view, nor put action behind. Lately, I have been finding myself with a new perspective and a level of growth I hadn’t anticipated, but I am grateful for. At the age of 26 I have now been in my career field for 2 years, I just got accepted into my graduate program in September, met new people that challenge me to grow more as a person and professional, started a business, gained new success with my blog, gained new professional experiences and have gained some business opportunities outside of my career as well.

These new levels of growth in life require much separation and sacrifice. I found myself outgrowing certain spaces and things and feeling bad about it. I no longer have the urge to vent to my friends as I used to, certain conversations don’t interest me and certain activities, events, and other entities have become lack luster to me. For the last few months I found myself shrinking to fit these spaces out of fear that some of friends would feel I was acting “funny” or that honestly I couldn’t accept that fact that outgrowing spaces was really happening. Over the years I have prayed and worked hard to be where I am. Given, I do not feel I am where I wish to be in life, but I have come far from where I was. I prayed over getting my job, getting into graduate school, meeting people of the caliber that I met recently and just overall having the experiences and being in the spaces I am now. Talking with my friend yesterday she got me to realize that outgrowing people and spaces should not be a negative feeling in my life. It means I am progressing and getting closer to what I have been working towards. Outgrowing certain friends doesn’t mean that you all aren’t still friends or that you have to cut them off. It simply means that the magnitude of the relationship and amount of interaction in it may decrease or change in nature and that is perfectly okay. If the friendship is genuine growth on one persons end or both parties won’t damage it.

Outgrowing spaces simply means you have progressed pass that stage of your life and you’re on to what’s next. Moving forward is to be celebrated not hindered. After catching up and talking with her I sat and reflected on why I was feeling the way I was about my thoughts. Honestly, my only answer was that I feared how my friends would view my new found growth. All my life I have made my friendships a priority, hell I do more for my friends at times than I do for myself. For a while now I have hindered myself growth wise out of fear of losing friendships due to me outgrowing them. I had to sit and tell myself, how long am I going to be scared of moving forward in life. The reality is for quite sometime I have been the oldest out of my groups until recently. The people I have been meeting or forming relationships with have either been my age or older. These interactions opened my eyes as well. For the last 3-4 years I have been at least 2-4 years older than some of those around me. After a while those years cause a gap in communication and I sometimes felt disconnected. It’s hard to vent to people when they can’t relate and you can’t fault them for not being able to do so. As a graduate student, I can’t vent to my friends that are undergraduates or have not had a grad school experience. While they can listen and support to an extent they simply cant provide the support I would need. I can’t vent about my career to those who aren’t in my field or haven’t experienced being in their career field yet. The dynamics of working a job solely for the money versus being in the career that you plan to be in for the remainder of your life and are passionate about are different dynamics. In reality you cannot expect people to resonate with something they have not experienced or do not understand. You can vent to them about it, you can explain it but if they cannot supply what you need you cannot fault them. Basically, you have to have different friends for different things. Find a balance.

Now given this is not to say people aren’t good friends or supportive. It simply states that everyone is where they should be in life at this point and that you have to be open to creating a balance for the relationships you desire in life. They are on their destined path and sometimes in life you and spaces come to a crossroad where you have to go your way at your pace and they go theirs. I guess I am just realizing that my growth in life is trying to tell me not everyone can play the role in this journey that they previously played. Growth can be uncomfortable, hell it’s supposed to be; that’s the beauty in it. This growth has been an amazing feeling and I am ready to fully embrace it this year. This realization has a lot to do with the new relationships I have formed and the new spaces I have been in. I now only go where I am celebrated, understood, listened to and encouraged to grow. I’m here to tell you that YOU are ALLOWED to CHANGE and you can do so at anytime you please. If you decide a week from now that you no longer want to put up with something that you put up with last week, you are allowed to do that. You are allowed to change without notice, you don’t owe anyone or anything an explanation. Do whatever YOU need to do to be the best YOU.

With that being said this is my affirmation to everyone that knows me personally. From this moment forward I am allowing myself to fully grow. I will no longer shrink myself to fit into spaces I have outgrown. I will no longer entertain anything or anyone that does not align with who I am and where I am going. I will no longer apologize for growing and progressing past certain things. I am in no way better than or above anyone. However, I am too good for certain things. I come first, for too long I have placed the needs and wants of others before my own. Nothing or no one is more important than me at this stage in my life. If you find that my new growth and perspective on my life does not suit you as my friend or person in life you are free to cease dealing with me at anytime (no love lost, I understand). If you support this growth and me then I say now, thank you, I appreciate you and WE LIT. It’s only up from here for everybody I love, and everybody that’s riding with me.

At this moment I release all grudges, pain, worry, hurt, fear, and anxiousness. I’ve you’ve done wrong by me, I truly and wholeheartedly forgive you. If we fell out and no longer speak I apologize for anything done on my part that offended/upset you and I pray all the best for you. If we used to date/talk/interact in anyway thank you for the lessons, experiences and memories I gained and for teaching me how to set boundaries for when God sends me the spouse he handpicked for me. To those that have been positive in my life, prayed for me, loved me, celebrated me and been apart of my village; I love you, I thank you and I am beyond grateful for you. I haven’t felt this good in a long time ya’ll. I am truly excited for what is next to come in my world.

If you read this and have been scared to grow, this is your confirmation that it is okay to step out on faith and elevate. Do not be scared of the outcome. Trust me.

Happy New Year Everyone.

Talk to you all in 2 weeks.

XOXO – Junie